I've been very bad and haven't posted since I've gotten back to school. Whoops. In my defense, adjusting has been kind of nuts but I think I'm starting to get into a rhythm that I'm happy with. There was some initial relationship (now un-relationship) drama which was difficult but it also forced me to confront a lot of my own issues regarding relationships in general, namely -
1. Sometimes people who (supposedly) once cared about you do bad things to you. Sometimes they will not feel bad about it. There's nothing you (I) can do about that. That doesn't give this person a pass, but dwelling on the cruelty and thoughtlessness of others isn't good for me. They have to live with themselves and their choices, and I get to move on with a clear conscience and an open heart. It's harder than it sounds, but I'm trying.
2. My dad once told me, "A sign of adulthood is the ability to live with ambiguity." Sometimes closure just isn't possible, and there's nothing you (I) can do about that either.
3. What I can do something about is make decisions that are good for me, seek out healthy friendships and relationships, and enjoy the little time I have left in my liberal arts bubble.
Coming to terms with really being single for the first time since I was 18 is tricky. I spent so much time centering my life around other people, organizing my time and energy around Us rather than me. I'm not complaining - I made the choice to live that way, and I was happy for a long time, but right now the only way for me to move forward is to get to know myself again as an individual, not as one half of a relationship. It's time.
No comments:
Post a Comment