The "Inconvenience" Myth

One of my favorite pro-choice blogs, Abortion Gang, recently made a post regarding the common anti-choice assertion that most women who choose abortion do so out of "convenience." While to me this argument sounds absurd from the get-go, this post articulately deconstructs what arguments like this are really saying:

If you’re a pro-choicer who has had any experience with anti-choicers, then I’m sure you’ve heard something like this: “Rape/incest only makes up for 2% of abortions. The rest are done because the pregnancy is inconvenient.”

Yeah. Right.

There are quite a few things in life that I consider to be inconveniences. For example, having to take the stairs because the elevator is out of order is an inconvenience. Having to wait to be seated at a restaurant is an inconvenience. Having to stop at a red light when you’re late for work is an inconvenience. Nine months of pregnancy is not an inconvenience, and neither is a life time of motherhood. Nothing that is life changing, possibly life ending, and potentially traumatizing (as pregnancy can be) should ever be described as a mere “inconvenience”. Do we say that being raped is an inconvenience? No (at least, most of us don’t). Do we claim that having a family member or other loved one die is a mere inconvenience? Absolutely not. Does anyone ever call cancer an inconvenience? Hell no. So why do antis think it’s okay to call pregnancy and motherhood a mere “inconvenience”?

I believe this has everything to do with undermining women’s experiences and needs. Antis are infamous for doing this. They pretend that pregnancy and motherhood is no big deal. They lie to women and tell them that they will regret their abortion while telling women who don’t regret their abortions that “they will someday”. They neglect the experiences of rape survivors by telling them that going through a pregnancy will make everything better, that it will make the trauma go away.

One problem with the inconvenience myth is that it implies that having an abortion is a convenient option. If you ask anyone who works for an abortion fund, you will hear that many women have to jump through hoop after hoop in order to obtain an abortion. Many young women either have to obtain permission from their parents to get an abortion or find out how to get a judicial bypass to be able to make their choice. Some women have to find a way to have an abortion behind her abusive partner’s back because he disapproves of the procedure. Poor, underprivileged women, in many cases, have to pawn some of their possessions and borrow money from friends and family in order to have an abortion, but by the time they collect the money, some of them have to collect even more money because they are further along in their pregnancies. Ask any of these women how convenient it was for them to have an abortion.

Now, if you ask an anti about the inconvenience myth, they usually end up saying something like “most women say that they had their abortions because they didn’t want to interrupt their education, because they want to carry on with their career, or because they just didn’t want to have a child” and they equate this with “inconvenience”. In other words, they’re saying that a woman’s needs never matter. They portray reasons such as a woman’s career or education as trivial, immature reasons for having an abortion, as if the only reason the woman is having an abortion is because she would rather splurge on $1,000 purses from Saks Fifth Avenue (and honestly, even if that is her only reason, who are we to judge her?). They neglect the fact that men are not the only ones who need an education and a job, and that women don’t all want to be (or can be) stay at home moms. They call a woman who is not ready for a child “selfish”, because she is recognizing her own needs and capabilities at the time instead of entering the world of motherhood prematurely. In other words, they’re telling women that they don’t matter, that their mental and physical health does not matter, and that their future does not matter, and sadly, none of this surprises me. The notion that pregnancy is a mere “inconvenience”, like having to take the stairs instead of the elevator or having to wait to be seated at a restaurant, is ridiculous and misogynistic. It’s another way to hold back women and to demonize them for caring about their own health.

It’s never selfish for a woman to take care of herself. As the saying goes, women hold up half the sky. How are we supposed to hold up half the sky without taking care of ourselves first?

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi

Culture Shock pt. 2

So that whole thing from my previous entry was resolved - a tire was (somehow) found, we left Holbrook and spent a lovely day in Santa Fe.

This morning, however, as we were bumbling along on our way to Pueblo, Colorado, the engine overheats, the air conditioning shuts off, the power steering gets messed up, and the battery light starts flashing.

WHAT THE. I CAN'T EVEN. OH MY GOD.

We managed to make it to Raton, New Mexico, where we are now stuck. On Monday we'll find out how long it will take to fix everything (we discovered that the belt had broken, which may have caused or been caused by the power steering or AC). There's really nothing we can do at this point so I'm trying to just relax, which is harder than it sounds. A Harry Potter marathon on ABC Family is helping, however. This whole thing has just been really frustrating and draining, which isn't particularly helping to soothe my anxiety about this coming school year. I'm way to stuck in my head and it's not good for me. Going to MN w/ Joe should be really great, though, so I hope we can make that work.

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi

Talk About Culture Shock...

I am currently stranded with my father in Holbrook, Arizona. This is so not okay.

Here's the story: On July 4th my grandfather passed away at his home in Honolulu, Hawaii, with his wife and three daughters by his side. I wish I could have gone to the memorial but unfortunately that just wasn't feasible. Shortly after his passing my grandmother decided to give me his car, a dark blue 2001 Saab 9-5. 'Great!' I thought. 'I finally have a reason to really learn to drive and since neither my grandfather nor my grandmother drove all that much the car should be in pretty good shape.' My mom subsequently shipped the vehicle from Honolulu to Long Beach, CA.

After my internship (sadly) ended on the 13th I flew out of JFK and met my dad at LAX. We spent about two days in LA and, naturally, went to Long Beach to pick up the car. Everything was going swimmingly. After a delightful 21st birthday with my dad (during the day) and Ali and her boyfriend Amer (at night) we left LA and headed for Vegas. I'll post pictures once this whole trip is resolved (somehow) but for now I'm just trying to fill you in on why on god's green earth I'm in Holbrook, Arizona, so please forgive my brevity. Vegas was crazy, kind of like adult Disneyland, and while I had a good time I don't how long I'd be able to deal with a place where money is openly regarded as a form of religion. Seeing people with glazed eyes cranking away at slot machines at 8 AM was a bit much for me.

ANYWAY

We only spent one night in Vegas and then left for the Grand Canyon the next morning. Did lots of tourist-y things, stayed at this cute little 'rustic' hotel, did a sunset tour of the canyon, waka waka. Now here's where it starts to fall apart (literally and figuratively): Just as we were about to leave the hotel we discover we have a flat tire. The AAA people come, we squeak along behind them, a few hours later it's patched and we're on our way. That whole thing took up a fair amount of time so we're going to have to skip the Petrified Forest and the Painted Desert which sucks but I can live with that. La la la, driving along, BOOM. 260 miles outside Albuquerque (27 miles from Holbrook, but who's counting) the SAME TIRE blows. We sat there waiting for AAA for . . . 5 or 6 hours on the side of the road. Finally this guy comes to tow us, this takes another hour or so, and then we discover we have an oil leak too. We don't know where this leak is coming from or if we'll be able to fix it, we don't know if we can even get the car to the dealership in Albuquerque, we don't even know if we can find the right size tire in Holbrook. Even if we can get the car to the dealership the likelihood they'll be able to do anything about the leak by the weekend is extremely slim.

I feel awful because this whole project has been a big fat money pit and this car is having problems left and right, not to mention the fact that I was a big proponent of this idea in the first place because who was I to pass up an opportunity for a car like this, right? Dad HAS to be back home in a week because classes at Marquette are starting. I also was planning to drive with Joe to Minnesota to visit Jess, Betsey and Dan, which I would still like to do but I don't know if it'll be possible if the car is a total bust. I suppose I'll just have to wait and see : /

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi

How to Be Alone

Figuring out how to be alone was one of my goals this summer. It's certainly been a struggle and I've not yet reached a state of complete comfort in being alone, but I've definitely made progress. I take myself out on dates a few times a week and sit in coffee shops or book stores by myself. I've always been a highly social creature but I think remembering how to enjoy those moments of silence is important for my own sanity.

Proud Mama Intern

This past Friday we went to a ropes course and I was so proud of how much they accomplished. They worked as a team to solve problems and seeing some learn how to listen rather than talk or talk rather than listen was awe-inspiring. I also finally took a bunch of pictures!


Problem-solving. They managed to complete the task in under 15 minutes, completely shocking both the ropes course staff member (who happens to be a former Interlaken counselor!), Faye, Maya and myself.


Teamwork. A beautiful sight to behold.






Giving me the stink eye.


Maya is spiderwoman.


I did it!




They were so committed to every activity, I was close to tears at the end of the day because I was so floored by their bravery.

Letting Go

In a moment of frustration a friend of mine recently distilled people into several types using the metaphor of a party. There's the person who has had a few too many and is out of control and throwing up, there's the person ignoring the person throwing up because it isn't their problem, and there's the person getting water for the person throwing up and cleaning up vomit. He felt he was always the person cleaning up and it was starting to wear on him a little. Obviously people and life are more complicated than that, but I'd be lying if I said that sometimes I feel like I don't know how to be anything other than the person cleaning up.

The trouble is, where do you draw the line? How many nights can you spend cleaning up after people who don't know their limits without starting to resent them (and your own cleaning-up compulsions)? One thing that we spend a fair amount of time talking about at TORCH is personal responsibility. We teach the youth that they need to be responsible for their own physical, emotional and mental health, that taking control of their lives and (reproductive) choices is important. We teach them that you can't save a person - they have to want to save themselves. In the context of reproductive justice, this sounds fairly straightforward. In the context of day-to-day life, however, I don't know how good I am at applying this.

I wish the line were clearer, that there was some marker or sign that a person is at the point where they can only grow and change if they decide that's what they want and that there's nothing I can do to help them make that change. It's something that I struggle with at TORCH and in general, learning when to stop devoting my time, energy and emotion.
Maybe that's a change I need to make.