Heart of the Matter

Both at work and on my other blog (the formatting is a little confusing, I'm sorry about that) domestic abuse has been a popular topic of conversation. My privilege is showing here, but yelling was rare in my house growing up, and hitting wasn't even in my realm of understanding. As a child it never dawned on me that a spouse or parent would actively perpetrate violence against another spouse or child.

Recently a presenter from Day One came to speak to the youth about dating violence. Day One "is the only organization in New York City solely devoted to the issue of teen dating violence," and they focus on helping teens to protect themselves and their peers. According to the U.S. Department of Justice 1 in 3 teenagers experiences abuse in a dating relationship, and this number simply blew me away. This means that every single teenager in the United States knows someone or is someone who is trapped in this vicious cycle of abuse. We are all responsible for the code of silence surrounding abuse.

Perhaps one of the most helpful pieces of knowledge our wonderful presenter Claudia imparted to us was what not to do when a friend or family member is a victim of abuse. Claudia asked each of us to respond to a few prompts, including - Who is the most important person in your life? What is your most treasured possession? Where do you get your information about the outside world? Who do you depend on for support? She then asked us to choose one of these responses that we would cut out of our life. Then another, and another. Eventually, all of our responses were crossed off and we were left with nothing. This, she said, is not only what happens in an abusive relationship, but what we're asking a victim to do when we say things like "Why don't you just break up with him?" We're asking that person to cut possibly vital people and things out of their life. When faced with a situation like this I know that (before this workshop) my gut reaction would have been to say something akin to "Get out! End it!" but now I see that this is not only not helpful, but possibly harmful to the other person.

This entire internship experience is forcing me to confront my own privilege and prejudices on a daily basis, which shouldn't surprise me but somehow wasn't what I was expecting when I embarked on this journey. It's difficult but I feel like I've already grown so much from this experience. I'm going to try to post more, keep an eye out!

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi

A Change

After a great deal of thought, I have decided to change the trajectory of this blog. While I will continue to post about general observations and experiences, the deeply personal nature of the discussions and interactions I have with the youth are based on a premise of confidentiality. While I certainly would never use their names, I feel the internet is too public a forum to specifically discuss information they divulge to us. I care deeply about these teenagers and would never want to put them in a position where they felt I was violating their trust.

Extremism

Recently a few readers have expressed concern about the extremist bent of my posts. To be honest, I was shocked, confused and upset about this perception about what I'm trying to do with this blog and about my beliefs about choice in general, and I'd like to clarify a few things.

Being actively pro-choice, especially on the internet, is very difficult. I am a rational person, and I am certainly aware that there are those who are critical of or opposed to abortion are evil misogynists trying to oppress women. Not even close. On the other hand however, coming across post after post about the antics 'pro-life' activists is frustrating. For example - cajoling men into feeling like abortion is a direct affront to their masculinity (that can and has lead to murder), promoting religious leaders who believe excommunication is a suitable punishment for 9-year-old rape victim who terminated her pregnancy (she was carrying twins, courtesy of her stepfather) or a nun who suggested a life-saving abortion, actively misleading women and lying to them about potential 'consequences' of abortion, attempting to bomb clinics, murdering of Dr. George Tiller, and shaming and blaming women who choose to have abortions. Over time, it becomes difficult to see the shades of gray. These stories go on and on, and it wears on a person. I let their fanaticism get to me and I recognize that this is my shortcoming, perhaps due to youth and inexperience.

I want to drive home, however, the idea that I am not like these people. I'm not about to go blow up a Crisis Pregnancy Center or shoot an anti-choice activist. I am not a radical, I am not an extremist. My writing here is not a manifesto. I'm just a girl with a blog who believes (to paraphrase) the radical notion that women are people who deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and as autonomous human beings capable of making decisions about their bodies. I let myself get worked up by the extremism that plays out on blogs and news sites, which is again probably due to my young age.

I'm sad and frustrated that my posts were misconstrued. The image of scary baby-killing bra-burning feminists appears over and over in popular culture and I don't want to perpetuate this myth in any way. I don't really know what to say now, how to appropriately express my belief in choice and exasperation with those who will use any means necessary to prevent women from having a choice. I'm feeling a little defeated, to be honest. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi