Asher Brown was brutally bullied by his classmates at a middle school in the Cy-Fair Independent School District—he was subjected to constant verbal and physical assault—and not one of his tormenters were ever punished, no one was suspended, no one was expelled. Asher Brown, in despair, took his own life.

Tyler Clementi, a gay freshman at Rutgers University, has taken his life by jumping off of the George Washington Bridge last week after two classmates secretly filmed him having sex and then broadcast it over the internet. Two Rutgers University students have been charged with invasion of privacy for allegedly placing a camera in the 18-year-old student’s room in the Davidson residence on the Busch campus.

Seth Walsh is the 13-year-old boy who attempted suicide last week after enduring years of bullying at the hands of his classmates and peers in Tehachapi, California. Seth was being home schooled because the abuse at his middle school was so severe. But the bullies didn't relent: they harassed Seth at his home, on the street, in parks. Seth Walsh was removed from life support and died on Tuesday.

It's really hard not to let this get to me, not to let this drag me down. These three stories are, sadly, not rare or unique by any means. At least two lgbt teens right here in Appleton have committed suicide in the past few weeks. People are doing something, like Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project, which he created after reading about the death of Billy Lucas, a 15-year-old from Indiana who took is own life after merciless bullying and an anemic reaction from school officials. I'm glad projects like this exist and I'm actually planning to make a video for the project, but these three recent stories really got to me this morning. I don't know . . . I should go for a walk.

Brandy Alexander

I've been very bad and haven't posted since I've gotten back to school. Whoops. In my defense, adjusting has been kind of nuts but I think I'm starting to get into a rhythm that I'm happy with. There was some initial relationship (now un-relationship) drama which was difficult but it also forced me to confront a lot of my own issues regarding relationships in general, namely -

1. Sometimes people who (supposedly) once cared about you do bad things to you. Sometimes they will not feel bad about it. There's nothing you (I) can do about that. That doesn't give this person a pass, but dwelling on the cruelty and thoughtlessness of others isn't good for me. They have to live with themselves and their choices, and I get to move on with a clear conscience and an open heart. It's harder than it sounds, but I'm trying.

2. My dad once told me, "A sign of adulthood is the ability to live with ambiguity." Sometimes closure just isn't possible, and there's nothing you (I) can do about that either.

3. What I can do something about is make decisions that are good for me, seek out healthy friendships and relationships, and enjoy the little time I have left in my liberal arts bubble.

Coming to terms with really being single for the first time since I was 18 is tricky. I spent so much time centering my life around other people, organizing my time and energy around Us rather than me. I'm not complaining - I made the choice to live that way, and I was happy for a long time, but right now the only way for me to move forward is to get to know myself again as an individual, not as one half of a relationship. It's time.

Going back

to school tomorrow. Kind of freaking out. Deep breathing.

To Do

1. Pack like a fiend. I used to enjoy packing, which sounds insane now after I unpacked and re-packed over 10 times this summer. I'm not good with change, but being a sort-of nomad has forced me to be more okay with it.

2. Get new phone. The screen on my poor little phone has pretty much died, so my dad was kind enough to lend me his for a few days but for the life of me I can't figure out how to turn of the T9. T9 drives me crazy - I NEVER can find the word I want, it makes me want to chuck the innocent phone at the wall, etc. I'm currently trapped in that epic battle between good and evil - Android vs. iPhone. Still not sure what I'm going to do about that but I need to get on it pronto.

3. Make sure I get to see everyone at home that I want and need to see. I think I've done a decent job during this home visit, seeing and spending time with everybody who is around and a close friend. I hate leaving and feeling like I ditched somebody or didn't see as much of someone as I would have liked.

I'm sure there will be more to add to this list, but for now I'm drawing a blank.

Kisses and contraception,
Naomi

Home

Being home has been fantastic. Probably the best at-home break I've had in a while. To be fair, I've been completely ignoring my responsibilities (cleaning, packing, etc.) and spending a lot of time sleeping, hanging out with people (Andy, Joe, Robin, Deb) and eating. I also spent a few days in Minneapolis with high school friends Joe, Dan, Jess & Betsy. I highly recommend all of their blogs if you're at all interested in gender warfare, libation creation and general intelligent discussion. I love these people and am proud to still be close with them even though we don't see each other very often.

The school year is rapidly approaching and while I'm not in full-panic mode, I'm starting to get a little anxious. This past school year was...a challenge, to say the least. Calling it "hell" may be a bit hyperbolic, but it was no picnic, let me tell you. I want this year to be better. I need this year to be better. Right now I'm practicing deep breathing and telling myself that I have the power to make that change. I DO have the power to make that change.

I came across this picture last year and it helped me more than I really care to admit. I hope it helps you too:


Kisses and contraception,
Naomi